life is

what you want it to be. i've been thinking about it all week, well more than i usually do, and after getting into an argument about my life with someone today i started really thinkin. trying to dig deep. as college is transitioning from counting down the days to summer to counting the days till we're no longer parentally funded "young adults", i find myself thinking more seriously about areas in my life where i don't perform seriously in.

as college unfolded i met hundreds of new people, i was pleasured to see these people become my peers in the quest of high education and unlocking this invisible "salary celieng" that accompannies a degree-less life. but also, i witnessed many of my peers get jobs that can actually hold down their alcohol driven social lives in addition to their two bedroom apartments somewhere off in the suburbs. then i saw some of my peers actually falling in the cracks. actually becoming those people that we joke about in high school. why? because they assumed life was going to continue to give out free meals. i've learned alot from these observations that everyone will and has probably gone through in the exact same process.

i find myself actually looking seriously into areas of my life that i believe are falling through the cracks as well. i'm guessing many of my friends and acquiantances know my ups and downs, good and bad qualities. ok. i'm lazy. but then you see me spinning at a school function that's bananas while people think, "that's so cool". i think i've been letting these things gas me up. i have a 2.6 gpa. i'm involved in a fairly easy major that i could easily have a 3.5 and up in. this is where i trip myself up. and this is where you also trip yourself up. i think everyone knows that "justin used to fall asleep in every class in high school" and "this fool justin neeeeeeever studies for his classes". but that's it isn't it? sure i have a UCSD sweater to prove you wrong up to a certain point. but i guess this is an area of my life where i could patch things up a bit. then i flip the page and realize that 70% of these estranged avant-garde based music classes i'm taking do not interest me what so ever, putting me in a curriculum that "readies" me for some kind of career in audio engineering, and yet gives me no motivation to actual hit the library on a friday night in addition to me questioning my attendance in UCSD's so called "ICAM Music" major in contrast to an actual certified audio training school. mind boggling it is. so between the hours of beatmaking, pages of rhymes, and hundreds of dollars of DJing equipment, am i really supposed to be completely let down because of my sub-par performance in school? my counterpart from earlier says this is true and that i should be let down. i guess so. i don't even know where i'm going with this.

i sat working my 6 hour tech-crew shift this morning. dealing with a nasty flu and a nasty lecture i was looking over sound for. and i realized that maybe these options of on-air DJing, high calibur artist production, and major label studio engineering may just be a haze of dreams i place before myself. hope not. but these are some of the things i'm thinking about more and more. will straight A's and a bachelors in music get me to these places? maybe this is the reason why i'm not at the library this very second. or maybe that's why i'm questioning the validity of my highly placed goals. who knows? just gotta keep thinking i guess.

hopefully in 10 years, we'll all be living good.

good night world
-azuré, or. maybe just justin.